It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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