ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
