Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
