Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
