it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
