i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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