all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
