I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
