did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize