What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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