oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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