hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
