I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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