So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
