oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
from now on my penis is your penis
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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