so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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