Got a toothbrush?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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