I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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