evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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