Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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