my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
