Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
