I wish I only lived at night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize