hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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