Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
