dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
