Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
