I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
