You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
