you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize