what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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