so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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