I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
