im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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