Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
