Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
