I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
