i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
