i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
