why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
