She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
