I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
