If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Randomize
