Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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