i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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