I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
