Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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