how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
