I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
