I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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