last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
