girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
