u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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