I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
