if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dignity is for republicans.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
