We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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