walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
