I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
