I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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