Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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