Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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