My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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