no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Barsexuality is the new black.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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