yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
