So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
