Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
