If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize