is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
