I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
