Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
