Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
