i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
