No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
