I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
