Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
