Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
