Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize