Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
