even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
