and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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