someone threw a dead crab at me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
