He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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