In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
