She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
