There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
