If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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