It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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