I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
