Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
