Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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