Sry I called you an 8
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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