Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
