I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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