just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
