We're like a lot better than the average bears
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
