Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
