He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
