she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
