I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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