He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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