May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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